True Agony
by Missha- MM
Summary: Harry Caius changed more than anyone would ever be able to anticipate after thge death of his Godfather. When he falls back in time after killing Voldermort his pain become unbearable...sucky summary soz...slash...give it a try...T just in case..3 shot..
1. The pain of loss

**_Ok, this story just would not leave me alone, I am aware that i still have about 3 stories still incomplete but i have found that if I do not write then my mind drives me insane and thus leads to my terible writers blocks. Hope you like this story...it is a darker one.  
Warning: This story will contain SLASH if you have a problem with that then stop reading, however you will most certainly not see much in this story of actual intimacy... The genral pairing with be Harry(Caius)/Tom (Voldermort). There will not be any scenes of intimacy between them that I am aware of at the moment, you will understand as the story carries on.  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter does in no way belong to me, only his story line does. We all wish we came up with the wonderful Harry Potter series..._**

**Chapter 1**

**-****The pain of loss**

The great hall bustled with energy and talk as the students gossiped and discussed their holidays to their fellow friends.

At the Gryffindor table 4 young men talked loudly and boisterously about their notorious group.

A young man with messy black hair and light brown eyes laughed loudly, "The last year of the marauders my friends!"

A sandy haired, sallow looking man with golden eyes smiled sadly at the thought. But the man sitting next to him with long dark hair up to his shoulders and stormy grey eyes swung his arm around the first man's shoulder, "To true James. This year will be a year to remember."

A rat like boy chuckled albeit nervously.

All talk abruptly stopped when the headmaster entered the hall from the great doors. He walked quickly to the head table and remained standing as he faced the students, a frown on his aged face, "I would like to introduce the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Peverell."

All eyes swung to the doors and many tried not to gasp at the man that made his way forward. The man had obviously been in a war just before coming, his robes although clean had about 4 tears in them and there were noticeable wounds on his person. Including a rather heavy new scar that made its way from his right hair line down underneath his shirt on the left side, the cut ran straight across the man's left eye. Despite that the man's features were startlingly beauty, in an unorthodox way. He had shoulder length black hair that was tide back by a leather band. His skin was pale, aristocratic cheek bones and facial features. His left eyes was a brilliant emerald colour where as his right eyes was a pale blue, almost to the point that it looked white. His body was clearly muscled and he walked with a strange power and confidence.

He sat beside Professor McGonagall with a slight nod to the students. The stern professor looked shocked but then began talking to the new teacher and soon she looked respectful, and slightly pleased.

The silence was broken when the headmaster told them they could eat and they all dug in happily. The hall filling with gossip and arguments as to who the new teacher was, James watched the man before turning to his friends and looking at the sandy haired youth, "Remus what do you think?"

Remus looked at him but shook his head looking at the man with long black hair beside him, "Sirius I thought the Peverell lined was wiped out."

Sirius looked thoughtfully but shrugged, "As did I but there is no denying that the man is whom he says he is. He had the most noticeable features of the pureblood family, the Peverell's were always known for their strange features."

James nodded, "Yes but why in the world does he looked like he just came out of a fight?"

Remus shrugged, and they moved on to a different subject.

Professor Peverell looked at the students intently studying them all, he his eyes showed knowledge only a man that had seen many things would hold. And truly he had been through things he would wish on no one, not even his greatest enemy. His eyes held a deep sense of pain that was almost disconcerting.

He had once been a naive boy named Harry Potter but so much had changed after his godfather died. One of the many things was his inheritance. When he found out that he was a descendant of the Peverell's he wasted no time in claiming it. Not long after that the line of the Peverell's brought out the vampire heritage. When he learnt all he could of his new name and status in the wizarding world he had begun to train. So much so that soon he was invincible and he had killed the Dark Lord with a sense of power. Tom and he always were alike and with his new heritage and dark magic they became almost identical. Both pushed aside the weakness' emotions gave them. But despite all that when Harry, now known as Caius, killed his long time enemy he felt no joy. For he had killed his mate, it was ironic in a terrible way that he was destined to destroy the one that could grant him the greatest happiness. The pain he felt when the killing curse struck his Tom was so excruciating he had wanted to die.

And then he ended up in the past, and he would have to kill his mate again. The thought was enough to put in him such an agonised pain that he no longer showed emotion. He had killed part of himself that day, and he knew what the future had in store for him. But he would treasure the life his mate would have at the moment. He would give his mate time, to live.

Caius shook his head and looked at his plate before filling it with small amounts of food. He conversed with McGonagall politely, his face expressionless, yet respectful.

He was grateful when the feast ended and walked to his rooms quietly. When he entered his room and spoke his parslemouth password he slipped into it and sunk to his bed. Dreading the nightmares he would face.

"_You are mine Caius," Tom hissed his red eyes flashing._

"_As you are mine, this is not personal Tom, you and I both know that. But I cannot excuse what you have become." _

_Tom sneered before attacking._

_Caius stepped onto the platform his face showing nothing, he knew his friends would never understand him now, so he did not wait for them, they had no idea how much he had changed. As he stepped onto the train he spotted brilliant blonde hair in front of him and waited for Draco to move out of the way. When the man did he froze as his eyes landed on Caius' own different coloured ones. _

"_Potter?" He whispered in shock._

_He stared at him in an assessing way before speaking his voice a smooth baritone now, "I am no longer a Potter, Malfoy." _

_He nodded in understanding and moved out of the way almost respectfully. Caius did not look at him and sat in an empty compartment locking the door._

_Intense spells flew through the air between Tom and Caius who were both powerful, to powerful in fact. He could not bear to look at Tom's eyes instead he took his moment of faltering to his advantage and shot the deadly curse at his mate. Watching as the green spell hit the man Caius loved. When Tom's eyes widened and he fell down motionlessly Caius choked and fell to his knees beside him. Agony coursing through him. As he stared at the now dull red eyes he screamed at the pain he was feeling, at the injustice of it all. His mate, his dear mate had died by his hands._

Caius jerked awake and threw the blankets off of his skin before walking into the shower and letting the heat of the water calm his muscles. He pushed all his emotions away roughly and changed into his black robes, silver and green trimmings lining the black silk material in a regal way. With that taken care of he strode stealthily out of his room and made his way into the Great Hall.

As he entered he sat beside Minerva, "Hello." He greeted her softly.

She smiled at him and returned the greeting, as he made himself some strong coffee. He greeted the rest of the teachers when they made their way into the hall.

After breakfast, and a goodbye to Minerva, Caius made his way to his classroom in which he was about to teach 7th year Gryffindors and Slytherins.

He sat at his desk and watched as the students entered, when they were all seated the door slammed shut and he stood up his face a perfect mask. "Now you all know who I am so I shall not waste time with introductions. I would however like to know what all you have learnt from your previous Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers."

The class looked at him in stunned silence before his mother put his hand up. She was truly as beautiful as everyone had described her, "Yes Miss Evans?"

She blinked in amazement before answering, "We have learnt the basic defences, and covered the basics of dangerous creatures."

"Is that all?" He asked in slight anger, there was after all a war going on.

Severus put his hand up, "Yes Mr Snape?"

He also looked stunned but covered it very well, "All our teachers have been fairly incompetent sir."

Caius' lips twitched slightly and he sighed. "For homework I want all of you to write down all the spells you have knowledge of, I do not care if they are dark, knowledge is power." He cringed inwardly but watched as they left the class.

He then deemed to wait for his next class. Teaching was fairly boring he concluded after the day ended and he made his way to dinner.

Minerva was fast becoming his friend in this time, and he treasured her maturity and understanding, she helped him avoid his depressing thoughts. So he sat next to her with a warm smile and waited for the headmaster.

It was halfway through dinner when some random stray fireworks came towards him, faster than anyone could blink he was out of his seats and the fireworks completely incinerated, he glared and shot a deep purple spell into the air where it split in four and hovered above the marauders. Minerva's lips tightened and she shouted, "POTTER, BLACK, PETIGREW, AND LUPIN DETENTION FOR THIS WHOLE WEEK!"

Albus looked at Caius in surprise, but shook his head and looked at the stunned students. There new teacher sure was turning out to be interesting.

Caius stared at the marauders sternly when they entered the classroom, but waved it aside and looked at the class. "Now what do you all know of the Patronus Charm?"

Lily put up her hand and he nodded to her, "The Patronus Charm is used against dementors."

"Sufficient but not completely correct, dementors cannot be killed the charm merely repels them. The charm however when produced in its corporeal form can assist in a means of communication."

Now I want all of you to remember the basics of the charm, in order to be effective when casting this charm you must picture a memory, the happiest and strongest one you possess. Without the memory you will achieve nothing. Who would like to try?"

Remus stepped forward, "Ok Mr Lupin, focus on your memory and intone the spell, Expecto Patronum."

Remus nodded and closed his eyes before bringing his wand forwards and shouting, "Expecto Patronum."

Caius saw the magic flow through the young werewolves arm and watched the silver mist that appeared clapping softly. "Congratulation Lupin ten points to Gryffindor, a very powerful first try, I must warn all of you however that many of you will find this charm harder than others and I guarantee you only a select few of you will be able to manage a corporeal form. Do not let this get you down; it all has to do with your magic."

Severus put his hand up and Caius nodded to him.

"Sir, will you be willing to show us what the corporeal form looks like?" The rest of the class leaned forward in anticipation.

He nodded and sighed before thinking of his happiest memory, "Expecto Patronum." Though he knew he had not done this spell in a while, he knew that it would no longer take the form of Prongs. He had changed too much, instead the figure that came out of his wand in a brilliant a blinding light was a majestic dragon. It reminded him sharply of Draco who had helped his immensely in the past years. The dragon bowed its head to him before vanishing.

The class looked at his in slight awe and he was very grateful when the lesson ended, "Don't forget to complete your list of spells by Thursday."

When they left he sunk into his seat and put his head in his hands.

Minerva entered the class and looked at him in concern before approaching making sure she made sufficient noise to alert him. "Caius are you well?"

He lifted his head and she stared in shock at the age his eyes showed, the pain within them was also enough to make her heart clench, however he guarded his expression before sighing.

"I am alive," he smiled sadly at her and she linked her arm in his when they made their way to the hall. Their friendship had developed to a brotherly and sisterly one quickly.

* * *

**REVIEW Please and let me know what you think of this story so far**


	2. Unhealthy suspicions

**_Thanks for the reviews, before you move on to read this I must warn you that this will only be three chapters long. I know this is short but everything has been covered. I hope you like it...enjoy_**

****

Chapter 2

**-****Unhealthy suspicions**

Caius looked at the grounds deep in thought, it had already been 2 weeks since he began to teach here and he had already destroyed all the horcruxes, seeing as Tom had not created all that many in this time. He could not help but feel a deep agony every time that he destroyed one, he loved Tom deeply, but what he had become was inexcusable. To kill innocents was something that Caius would never agree to.

He looked at the sun setting and leaned against the wall, he was sitting on the window sill within the astronomy tower, the students were already asleep, well they were supposed to be seeing as it was passed curfew.

Minerva walked up the stairs and smiled when she saw him, "Caius what are you thinking so deeply on?"

* * *

Sirius and James Potter were sneaking towards the spot they were sitting in unaware that the teachers were there. When they spotted them they froze inside the invisibility cloak and listened.

* * *

"The depravity of the world my friend," Caius whispered sadly and Minerva sat beside him staring at him in concern.

"The world is not as bad is it appears Caius, there is always happiness."

"No, not for me Minnie," he looked at the ground and when his eyes found her she nearly gasped, his eyes usually so guarded showed the full extent of agony he was feeling. "There will never be full happiness in my life, only small things will bring me any joy. And even that cannot hold back the things that bring me pain."

Minerva's eyes filled with tears, "Surely things are not so bad..." She trailed off in uncertainty; she really knew nothing about her friend.

"Ah but they are, as a Peverell I have inherited the heritage of vampires Minerva, and as we all know vampires only have one mate," his voice choked off, as fiery pain encompassed him.

Minerva could not hold back her gasp now and a tear trickled down her cheek.

Caius shook his head and put an arm around his friend, "That in not something you should worry about Minnie, I have come to terms with it a long time ago, and soon the pain will kill me, that is the joy I hold firmly." He looked at her and squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, "Death is my only freedom." He smiled at her, knowing that she would never understand and feeling grateful for that fact.

* * *

James and Sirius looked at each other in shock before running back to the Gryffindor tower in search of Remus. When they saw him they shouted out in excitement, "Moony!"

Remus turned to them and frowned, "Yes?"

They sat beside him hurriedly, "do vampires have mates?'

Remus nodded a frown on his face.

"Why would a vampire die of pain?"

Moony looked at them with another frown, "I don't know, why?"

"Well Sirius and I were just walking to the astronomy tower and we saw Professor McGonagall and Professor Peverell talking so we decided to listen. And Professor Peverell told McGonagall that he had inherited the vampire gene and thus there was no happiness for him but the thought of death because of his mate."

Sirius continued, "So we were curious as to why the only happiness would be death for him."

Remus frowned, "That sounds depressing, maybe we should ask him subtly tomorrow in DADA."

The marauders nodded together and went to sleep.

* * *

Caius sat down in the great hall, his heart clenched, Tom knew who he was, and knew that he was his mate. He had felt his mate's recognition last night; it made it all the more painful because he could never ever love Tom like he wanted to. He would however end up hurting Tom by the rejection and that thought alone brought across a blinding pain.

He would write a letter to Tom tonight explaining everything that would make sure Tom knew that killing innocents was not alright in his books. He only hoped that he would not hurt Tom he would rather bear the pain.

With that thought in mind he strode into his classroom and wrote the letter.

_Lord Gaunt_

_I am sure you know whom is addressing this letter to you, before you assume anything however I must inform you that I do not agree with what you wish to gain and how you go about it. It is because of this that I cannot in my right mind promise you anything._

_As you are not a vampire I can reject you without causing you too much pain, but let me assure you now, the mere thought is driving me insane. You belong to me, and the pain is nothing compared to the agony I will face by not claiming you._

_Hopefully that knowledge will satisfy your anger._

_Lord Peverell_

It was very sketchy and he knew that despite the information there was a large chance that Tom would be furious, but he could do nothing about that. The only happy outcome would be for Tom to turn down his vision and there was no way he would do that.

He watched as the students filled in and focused his magical sight on the Slytherins to see who was already in Tom's recruitment. It turned out Lucius Malfoy was, he would keep the pureblood back after class. He did not care who was suspicious of him, this needed to be done.

The class had finally been successful in producing the Patronus Charm, and it was happy students that exited.

"Malfoy remain behind." He called deeply, startling a lot of the students.

Lucius strode over his eyes betraying his curiosity.

"Give this to your Lord," Seeing the boy about to vehemently protest he held up his hand and made his magic flare dangerously. The boy cowered slightly and he continued, "I do not care who you serve Malfoy give this to him when you see him next. There is nothing that can bring him harm within it."

Malfoy nodded and took the letter carefully before leaving, when his foot touched the doorway Caius stopped him, "And Malfoy if you dare read the letter you will face an agony more painful than the Cruciatus." The threat was venomous and the pureblood shivered in fear.

Caius made his way to the teachers' lounge his thoughts moving rapidly.

The night passed with its usual nightmares, and he made his way to his classroom. He had decided that he would see how far the class of 7th graders were in regards duelling. He stopped however when he saw James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin all with their wands trained on Severus.

"You bloody death eater," Sirius snarled in anger and Caius flicked his hand sending all their wands into his hand. He glared at them menacingly causing them to freeze.

"20 points from Gryffindor, 4 standing against one I am ashamed to actually be teaching you. If you want to duel come to me and ask me to set it up, if I ever see you duelling without warrant there will be consequences."

With that he threw their wands back at them and entered the class, waiting for them to enter for the lesson.

When they were seated Remus put his hand up and the class quietened, "Sir is it true that vampires only have one mate?'

Caius froze at the reminder and his magic swirled around him protectively, "Yes Mr Lupin it is true." His voice was steady, but he could see from the dark wizards in the room that they could feel his magic.

Remus paled when he felt the anger within the magic and sat quietly not wanting to ask anything more. However James who was a pure light wizard did not see the warning at all.

"Sir is it true then that a vampire can die from pain? And what causes this?"

Caius' eyes twitched and he pushed down the agony and fury he was feeling and instead gave the Gryffindor a steely glare, "Yes. And the death of one's mate can kill the vampire."

James nodded and Caius took in a deep breath before continuing with his lesson.

* * *

**_REVIEW and tell me what you think..._**


	3. True Agony

******_Thank you again for the reviews, this is the end...I hope despite how short it is that it satisfies you all. It was profoundly difficult for me to do this, Caius is one of my most diverse characters, he means so much...enjoy and please let me know what you think:_**

**Chapter 3**

**-****True Agony**

**Caius' POV:**

I felt the anger Tom felt as he read the letter but the slight pain of the rejection coming through our link was enough for me to choke back a scream. Every day I suffered through a pain the likes of the Cruciatus. But as I looked down at the students I could not feel that my pain was nothing, so many of them died in the war that was soon going to escalate. I watched my parents, finding that affection for another. Watching them laugh, watching the love that reached their eyes at every glance. It was worth it.

I would save them, no matter the consequences. And as I realised that I knew that I had to end this soon.

"Tom, my heart and soul..." I whispered softly, pain etching into the words, "This has to end."

* * *

The darkness that approached the sky was permeable; Caius knew that today his life would end. He walked with the students and the other teachers towards Hogsmead, heart slowly aching. As he watched them from the shadows, laughing joyfully his face went blank. Since the day he found out whom his mate was he knew that no matter his self desire he would finish it.

It had taken him a while to realise we he had not died when he killed Tom the first time. You see after Tom tried to kill him when he was a baby, he unknowingly made a horcrux. And instead of killing him the pain was enough to destroy that piece of soul that Tom had created within him. He still did not know why he was sent to the past, but in a way he was beyond caring anymore. Soon he would be free.

He knew that Tom would never change his believes, not in this time, the only way Caius would truly be able to save Tom without killing him was if Fate had allowed him to go back in time to when Tom was in the seventh year.

Caius could feel Tom's approach and stepped out of the dark shadows, he would make sure none died by his mate's hand tonight. His pain flared as he saw Tom apparated in front of him, and he constructed impenetrable walls. No spell would hit the students.

Tom looked excessively handsome in this time; he no longer was deformed by the ritual. His aristocratic looks remained, making his appear in his young twenties. As far as Caius was concerned he was the most gorgeous being in existence. The red eyes which usually intimidated weaker wizards intrigued him.

Caius' jaw clenched and he watched Tom's eyes roam over him, gaining a possessive glint.

"Tom," he whispered absorbing every detail as long as he could.

Tom's eyes turned sharp and he began to frown, "You are here to kill me?"

Caius saw all the watchers, both death eater and light wizards alike. The students all crowded together, he nodded in regards to the question.

"But if you succeed you will die?"

Caius' eyes shone as he saw his mate's confusion. It was a notion that his mate would never understand, "That is what I am hoping for, Tom. You are my light and darkness, the very reason I live, and the reason I will die."

Tom shook his head in amazement eyes studying his mate's face and lingering on his full lips, biting back a growl.

Caius saw this and said strongly, "Come here Tom."

At the tone of his mate's voice Tom's eyes widened, he was a submissive! He Lord Voldermort was a submissive! It was such an absurd notion that he just stood there in shock.

But as he looked at his mate again, at the stunning beauty and power he could understand exactly why, in the presence of Caius' black magic he felt inferior. He stepped towards his mate not knowing what he was aiming to do.

Caius pulled Tom to him and claimed him with a fiery kiss, so intense and passionate that his magic flared to life. Tom groaned when his mate moved away but swallowed his pride and bowed as Caius did.

* * *

Minerva watched as Caius stared at the man all knew as Voldermort. Watched the pain etch into his eyes, as he stared at the man, yet she would never have suspected that the Dark Lord was her friends mate. It seemed all the more clear now, why his pain was so profound, and why he found no happiness.

Caius through everything was a light wizard in heart, he despised the deaths of the muggles, and to have his mate be the one that ordered the death's, was beyond anything she could comprehend. He spoke to Voldermort softly and she saw something none other would ever have believed possible. Tom, Lord Voldermort looked at his mate with soft eyes, unaware that he felt anything but hate and anger.

It was incredible. She watched as they conversed, such meaning and care were put into their words that one could feel the emotion. Caius despite what his mate had become loved Tom with everything he had. And the kiss, where could she begin, tears streaked down her eyes as she saw the agony form in her friend's eyes as he pulled away. Saw the man she loved like a brother nearly cringing with a pain he did not deserve.

* * *

And the battle began spells so dark and powerful that the other wizards watched in complete awe. They did not speak their spells, they were professionals. As the battle raged Caius shot a powerful cutting curse at his mate and watched as he fell. Tom's startling red eyes dimmed. He moved quickly towards his mate, falling to his knees and holding him in his arms. A tear streaked down his strong face as Tom looked up at him and smiled slightly, "We will be together after this Caius." He whispered softly, blood trickling from the side of his move.

Caius choked as the pain coursed through him, and he felt the exact moment his mate's heart stopped.

It was unequivocal this pain he was feeling, so much so that he screamed, complete agony lining in it with an intensity that made the watchers actually tear up.

He held his mate close to his chest as his heart tore up, "Oh my love." He whispered brokenly, before staring at the sky, eyes bloodshot, body fighting to stay alive even though his heart died with his mate, he did not have a reason to continue. He looked at his mate and kissed his forehead, a strong white light purer that anything ever seen before shot out of his body and they disappeared.

Caius was finally free.

* * *

**_REVIEW please and let me know what you think..._**


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